UNO Cribs, Mavericks go head-to-head in dorm wars


By Richard Larson, Opinion Editor

Dylan Cobbs, Freshman, Scott Village

Recording Studio – A swanky chair and legit mic allow Cobbs to record his insane lyrics and vocal stylings. You will have to find his work if you want to know the genre. I’m guessing it isn’t classical.

Casual Cologne – With the varying scents of college, a gentleman must always have something to mask both himself and his goods to stay fresh. Burberry gets the job done and suggests superior taste.

Air Re-Distributor – A fan is a necessity if you keep up with your abdominal routine in your room, or if you get over-heated easily. Cobbs usually places his fan near the exit window of his Easy-Bake Oven to tease his neighbors.

Art Display – Cobbs works for a daycare in his spare time and seems to be favored by the children. Their artwork is proudly displayed in frames and via tape. Ladies, Cobbs is quite the catch with having a respect for the arts.


Kyle Pane, Freshman, Scott Court

Serious Screen – Nothing says movie nights or the Super Bowl like 48 inches of liquid crystals. Pane wants the female demographic to know that he has a membership with Netflix, but is not currently on the market.

Worthy Wardrobe – Pane’s collection of clothing suggests that he is never susceptible to the harsh criticisms of campus paparazzi. At a moment’s notice, he is ready for a night downtown, or pressed and prepped to praise at church.

Bedside Blender – Kitchen appliances aren’t unusual if found in a college dorm, but a blender is rare. Pane stays hydrated by the generous servings of blended beverages. With a comfort grip and twisting spout,plentiful refreshment is just a reach to the right.

Entertainment Goods – A Playstation 4 gaming console and a slew of games and accessories reveal that this freshman is no friend of Mr. Bored.


This week’s battle for the best bunker puts freshmen Dylan Cobbs and Kyle Pane against each other. As soon as I entered Cobbs’ Scott Village swag pad, I noticed a space that was devoted to artistic complexity. Cobbs drops the sick tracks with his sound equipment while keeping calm with the youthful artwork of the children he looks after at work. You will never find his guests uncomfortable, as he keeps the air circulated on the regular with a quality fan and maintains a classy aroma of Burberry.
Pane resides in Scott Court and it’s clear he is a man of both sophistication and entertainment. There is no lack of activity when Pane is granted free time, as he owns 48 inches of cinematic opportunity, a PS4 with enough options to last until summer break, and wireless speakers for audible enjoyment. Looking through the closet, it was clear that Pane strolls on and off campus in true style. Props for saying no to the camo and yes to the chinos. When I saw the 64-oz. blender sitting bedside, I knew this guy wasn’t messing around. A blended beverage at an arm’s reach? Genius.
I find myself facing the usual agony of having to select a winner, but congratulations to Kyle Pane of Scott Court! His hydration efforts and plethora of playtime options were rather impressive. As for Cobbs, I can’t wait to heart hose killer beats when you score big on the charts.