Parking memoirs of a basic Mav

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By Richard Larson, Opinion Editor

It was a humid, rainy weekday around the lunch hour. Crippled with the task of delivering some paperwork to campus, I mustered up the courage to take on the midday parking catastrophe.
Feeling rested with a good night’s sleep and a full day of opportunity, I made my way to campus. My mission: turning in some papers to the Welcome Center and picking up some goods from an office.
I reached the west end of campus at approximately 11:23 a.m., Central Standard time. Without the support of reinforcements, I was equipped with a student surface lot pass and a thermos full of optimism.
As I pulled into Lot G, I saw the park sharks writing tickets as if they had nothing better to do. The sea of yellow slips on windshields made me weak in the stomach.
The rain was at a constant drizzle by 11:30 a.m., and I focused on the task at hand – finding a docking bay for my transport.
With numerous ships already hovering in this hanger, I turned my sights to the land of Lot F near Durham. My luck fell short there as well.
Lot K next to Weber was a fantasy as the small lot is an oasis for all-day parking artists. There was the church lot across Dodge Street, but I did not have an umbrella or sexy poncho to protect me from the treacherous precipitation.
I found myself circling Lot H and G again and again, as my quest had lasted 33 minutes to simply make a five minute delivery.
Praying to Probablynotacus, the mythological parking goddess, I was granted serenity in the form of a corner stall.
Running through the rain like a freshman to his first class, I accomplished my mission and returned to my vehicle. I was immediately eyed by several others waiting to port and was barely able to back out of my stall.
A disgruntled girl in a black Ford from the previous century snagged the spot, just missing my bumper. I activated my hyperdrive and I flew off campus, lucky to have survived another UNO parking battle
With close to an hour lost from my day for what was to be a simple mission, I returned to my headquarters. I studied the campus parking map, plotting my next return to the sea of concrete-based empty dreams.

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