THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.
University of Nebraska at Omaha Theater will be producing the first ever rendition of “Harambe: The Musical.” The musical about the life and death of America’s favorite gorilla is written by UNO graduate and Broadway Playwright Eric Bloom.
“This has potential to be the next ‘Hamilton,’” Bloom said. “This is a tale about another American hero who died tragically to a gunshot wound.”
Bloom said the inspiration for the musical came to him during the revival of interest in the estranged gorilla. His personal belief is that Harambe has a story worth sharing, and it would be wrong not to memorialize his story through choreographed music and dance.
But storm clouds are already forming above Bloom’s masterpiece. Several activist groups have come forward to protest the performance and the university. Additionally, many students are planning to avoid the performance all together, in fear of spurring further conflict in their lives.
“Wait, people are still talking about the gorilla?” said one stu-dent. “Hasn’t that joke been dead for months?”
One individual vehemently opposing the production of “Harambe: The Musical” is the person who was ordered to pull the trigger on the beloved Cincinnati Zoo gorilla.
“That gorilla ruined my life,” said Harambe’s killer, who spoke only under the condition of anonymity, “I’m in the witness protection program because of that gorilla. Every night I fear that one of his loyal disciples will finally find me.”
The killer of Harambe once again fears he or she will be pushed into further secrecy if “Harambe: The Musical” ever makes it to the stage.
Despite the opposition, Bloom is determined to go through with “Harambe: The Musical.” In all the performance will include 17 original songs, one for each year of the gorilla’s complex and difficult life. The run time of the show is estimated to be three and a half hours of nonstop singing and dancing.
“I found that Harambe faced a lot of the difficulties that most students face every day,” Bloom said. “Just like the typical college student—he felt trapped, and all he wanted was to throw small children.”
These difficulties are portrayed through catchy musical numbers, such as “Get Out Of My Enclosure.” Audience members will be encouraged to sing along and participate in the emotional journey of “Harambe: The Musical.”
“My only regret with the production is that we weren’t able to get an actual gorilla,” Bloom said. “The folks at the Henry Doorly Zoo can be so difficult to work with sometimes.”
At the time of publishing, the Cin-innati Zoo had refused to com-ment on the matter. Calls were answered with: “This isn’t the phone number for the Cincinnati Zoo. Please stop calling my home. You’re scaring my wife and children.”