What sound does a suffering cow make?

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By Ben Coffman

Bent on world domination and twisted from steroids and too many beers, local hybrid thrash-metal superheroes Bloodcow have had their fair share of wild rock n’ roll moments on-stage during their two-year Omaha incubation period.

“There’s so many crazy moments that aren’t even on-stage,” says frontman The Corporate Merger. “We were at the Junction and we were packing all of our stuff up after a show and he pulls his truck around,” The Corporate Merger indicates fellow bandmate Bobbi Bibledick (bass), “and comes back in to get some stuff, and when he goes back out there’s this crack-whore in a coma — “

Bibledick continues: ” — Sitting in the front seat of my grandfather’s truck, of all things. I open the door and about shit my pants. This huge, stinky, bald, black lady sitting in the truck. She’s just kind of laying there like this, [does his best impersonation] ‘Take me home.’ I finally got her out, she just layed on the ground.”

And then there was the time the members of Bloodcow convinced their drummer, Dead Knight, to unknowingly wear a mask that had been, well …

Bibledick says: “When we do autopsies [at his job], we cover the face so we don’t have to sit there and look at it. I don’t know why I had [the mask] at work, but I had it at work in my bag. When I was digging through my bag, looking for my notebook or something, I whipped it out, and [the doctor] is like, ‘Bring that here.’ So we slipped it on the [corpse’s] head.”

Knight continues: “And then I put it on my head. Only half an hour after it had been on that corpse.”

“He sweated inside that corpse-mask,” says The Corporate Merger. “But now we all wear it regularly, because I think the dead man smell has worn off.”

Then there was the time when the band’s guitarist, 1987, cut himself while another band was playing at one of Bloodcow’s shows.

“I did a slip n’ slide through beer, and didn’t know there was glass in it,” 1987 says. “This was after we were done playing. I was all cut.”

Still, these moments can’t begin to rival the band’s already-legendary on-stage antics. At a New Year’s Eve show at the Junction, Bloodcow had the police called on them by the bar manager when the band accidentally broke a glass ashtray that was sitting on a chair.

“The cops were actually really cool about it because they realized how crazy this old man [who called the police] was,” The Corporate Merger says.

Knight smiles and adds: “We might be able to play there again.”

“One time I wore a dress with a white wig,” The Corporate Merger says. “At the Junction, I stripped down to my underwear. At the Ranch Bowl I stripped down to bikini underwear. People left. People walked out of the place. Steroid night we all wore workout gear, like headbands and wristbands. We haven’t used the large penis yet (a two-foot-long prop revealed during the interview), but that will eventually come into play. A lot of bands are really serious, and take themselves really seriously, especially the newer, new-wave fashion-rock bands that are coming out of Omaha, that just seem like they’re — “

” — More concerned with their haircuts than they are with their music,” finishes Knight.

The Corporate Merger continues: “We definitely aren’t about fashion, that’s for sure. We put on a great show and sometimes wear costumes but we’re not selling Gap clothing or anything like that. We don’t dress like your typical metal band. I don’t have to wear a black mesh shirt or anything.”

Despite the jokey atmosphere surrounding them and the high-energy on-stage antics, Bloodcow continues to churn out some of the tightest thrash-metal around.

“It’s reminiscent of older-style metal,” Knight says of Bloodcow’s sound.

“We’re new-school thrash,” 1987 says. “We’re the only band I’ve seen playing stuff that’s very fast-paced.”

In addition to music, both 1987 and The Corporate Merger are play-by-play announcers for the Omaha Wrestling Association, a pro-wrestling circuit native to Omaha.

“O.W.A. is straight-up, hardcore crazy wrestling — it’s really good,” The Corporate Merger says. “It’s not like a bunch of old guys trying to relive their glory years. It’s a bunch of young guys fresh out of training.”

The O.W.A. generally puts on shows every other Sunday at the Bourbon Street. The next scheduled show is Feb. 10.

Elements of pro wrestling also seem to influence the band through their occasional use of folding chairs on one another.

“We kill 1987 on a nightly basis,” The Corporate Merger says.

“Folding chairs, ashtrays,” Knight says.

But the members of Bloodcow don’t limit their inspiration to just one or two artistic mediums.

“Pornography is a big influence with us,” The Corporate Merger says. “We read a lot of *Penthouse and *Playboy.”

“That’s probably 85 percent of our band,” Bibledick says.

“We probably only read about five percent of the magazine, but there’s some great pictures,” The Corporate Merger says. “I’ve always been an avid watcher of porn since I was a wee child. There’s nothing wrong with sex at all, I think. Some people look at it as something very dirty and disgusting, but I think it’s great.”

“Another topic people take too seriously, which they shouldn’t,” says 1987.

“Porn is more of a lyrical influence, I think. Sometimes when we record, 1987 lays, like 20 *Playboy centerfolds out on the ground and stands in the middle with candles lit. I’m not joking about that, it’s true. Horror movies are a big influence on me. I’m really big into Italian zombie movies. That reflects in our lyrics. All the lyrics are tongue-in-cheek. You’ve got to take them with a grain of salt,” says The Corporate Merger.

Musical influences include Gwar, Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Fantomas, Slayer, Pantera, DRI, Dead Kennedys, “And any bands that give their full effort when playing live,” says 1987.

Members of Bloodcow are alumni from many other local bands. Bibledick formerly played with folk act Iris. The Corporate Merger and Knight participated in the band The Velvet Pickles, then were involved with the group Section 8. Knight also played in two Iowa City bands, Wax Cannon and Armed Robbery. 1987 played bass in Titanium White until that outfit’s demise.

In addition to Omaha shows, Bloodcow has played in Chicago, at Phylis’s Music Inn, as well as two shows in Iowa City at Gabe’s Oasis. Just before the interview began in their Bellevue home, the band was laying down the final vocal track for their current EP, *Dead and Homeless, which will soon be available at downtown’s Drastic Plastic, as well as at their local shows. Bloodcow also had a track appear on Murder As Art’s compilation, *Subtle Dreams and Suffocated Screams.

“If anybody has any questions, or they want to kill us and let us know about it, they can e-mail us. Bloodcow666@hotmail,” says 1987. “If anybody reading this article might invite us to a party, we’ll go. We just have to remind them of what they’re getting into if they have us show up.”

“Definitely take all of the living room furniture–” adds The Corporate Merger.

“Or anything breakable…” adds Knight.

“Out of the house completely,” finishes The Corporate Merger.

“Plastic ashtrays are a must,” says Bibledick.

“Hide the fine china,” says 1987.

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