Three ways to improve UNO

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By Mo Nuwwarah, Opinion Editor

With student elections coming up March 8, it’s high time some critical changes took place at this school.

But the changes I’m thinking of aren’t going to come from any student-body president or senator. These changes must come straight from the students. We have to start a grassroots movement to make a positive culture shift at UNO. Here are three steps to kick it off.

1. Learn to park a car.

We’ve all seen these people, or at least their handiwork. They’re running late to class, swerving through parking areas in complete disregard for parking etiquette. They double park, or park in positions that make it impossible to utilize adjacent spaces.

Taking up two spots or just having your tires square on the yellow lines isn’t OK, people. It causes a chain reaction in which each subsequent person has more difficulty parking. Doors hit doors, paint gets chipped and feelings get hurt.

Even worse are the people who try – and fail – to parallel park in the access road just east of the Arts and Sciences building. When you park too far from the curb, it causes others to do the same when they try to parallel in front of you. Then both drivers get tickets.

Speaking of tickets, is there a test for anal retentiveness that prospective park security workers have to pass? If I need to be within 18 inches from the curb and I wedge my car into a spot with 15 inches of spare space, you’d think I could get some slack. Jeff Gordon would’ve struggled to park better.

2. Dress and act courteously at the gym.

A few months ago, I was waiting for a treadmill to open up at the rec center. When a gentleman finally vacated a treadmill, I scampered over to claim it. I arrived at the machine and stared in horror at the disaster. It looked like a dog had jumped out of the family swimming pool and shaken itself dry. Towels have been around for centuries, folks. Use them.

To the muscle-bound “bros” strutting around in T-shirts with the entire sides cut out, whom are you trying to impress? Get over yourselves and put on some clothes. Stop trying to emulate “The Situation” and his fellow drains on society.

And those shoes with the little webbed toes are seriously hideous. Please stop hurting my eyes.

3. Stop trying to be the class clown.

I’ve seen this too many times in my college career – guys who think it’s still cool to be the class clown.

I don’t come to school to hear amateur hour from the local comedy club, and I don’t think I’m alone. Most of us come here to trudge through our classes as efficiently as possible. When we hear your wisecracks, we don’t laugh. We grit our teeth and wish you would shut up so we can get on with class. The worst part is when the teacher gets involved, either by chuckling along or going off on a tangent related to the “witty” remark.

Maybe you were kind of cool back in high school, when everyone chuckled at your one-liners. Now, you’re just annoying. Really, really annoying.

You aren’t Daniel Tosh. If you want to try to be like him, find a local bar that will let you perform during amateur comic night.

These are three simple suggestions, yet they’re three things everyone can do to improve the college experience. I believe if we all do these things, UNO will be a more harmonious and enjoyable place to attend college.

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