By Natali Bianco, Entertainment Editor
This article is not real in virtually any way, shape or form. This article is presented for April Fool’s Day and meant for entertainment purposes ONLY. Views expressed are not that of the University or the Gateway staff as a whole. Laugh, chuckle, giggle and gasp at our not-so-serious rendition of the UNO Gateway.
Next Thursday, in the Milo Bail Student Center, the faculty will be holding the third annual Dance Dance Revolution competition.
The DDR competition began in 2011, when game design teacher Jake Peterson thought it would be a great way for students to get to know the professors in an atmosphere where everyone can be comfortable. But, the focus of the event is no longer about familiarity, it has become an intense competition, that some professors might be taking a little too seriously.
Psychology professor Dana Miles has been training every day since last year’s competition, where she fell while attempting a left-right-front-back crossover combo.
“I was so humiliated that I swore, right then and there, that I would become the best DDR dancer in the United States, and I will not stop until I conquer,” Miles said. “A left-right-front-back crossover combo is such a rookie move, now I can do them in my sleep.”
But, Miles might have a tough time beating the current DDR reigning champ, Mike Brown. Brown has won six state titles and will be competing nationally next March.
“I’m not worried about Mike, to me he’s just a noob,” Miles said. “Yeah, he has those six state titles, but it’s not like that’s an accomplishment in Nebraska. Let’s see him pull that in North Dakota, where the real big-dogs are at.”
In response to Miles’ comments, Brown had a lot to say.
“Me? A noob? Is she out of her mind?” Brown said. “I’ve been DDR-ing since before she even knew how to tie her own shoes. I’m not worried about her being potential competition, she can’t even keep her footing during a left-right-front-back crossover combo, that’s child’s play.”
Although claiming that he isn’t intimidated by Miles, Brown’s students have said that they have noticed a serious change in their professor.
“He doesn’t even teach anymore,” said student Shirley James. “He’s cancelled class for the past week, and when he does show up, he just tells us to read from the book. He told us that we won’t be having a final and that he’s just going to give us all a B+. When I asked how I could get an A, he said that I’d have to help him practice for the competition.”
The third annual DDR Competition will begin at 7pm, next Thursday. Admission is $5. Proceeds of the DDR Competition will benefit Dancing in the Streets, a national charity that teaches homeless people to dance in the streets, with hopes that they will eventually be able to earn money doing so.