The art of bowling: campus edition

Photo by Evan Ludes/ The Gateway Students dodge wheeled menaces on their way to class
Photo by Evan Ludes/ The Gateway
Students dodge wheeled menaces on their way to class

By Noelle Ashley, Contributor

I was in my freshman year at the good ol’ UNofO, just testing the waters, people-watching by the fountain at the beginning of fall semester. The college vibe was as typical as any eager freshman expected campus to be like: people everywhere varying in age and culture, smiling and chatting, hungover or rushing to class. It was a scene from a movie, and I was the giddy observer.
What I remember most from that first week of school was sitting by the fountain, minding my own business, taking in the studious air. Suddenly, there was a crescendo of roaring wheels rolling across the pavement behind me.
As soon as I turned to look where the progressing racket was coming from, a swift WHOOSH blew my hair forward as a skater rushed by, weaving his way through the crowd. I had a feeling in my gut this wasn’t going to end well.
The way he so carelessly hollered at other students to warn them of his quick passing failed as one girl unfortunately was too invested in her iPhone to take cover and dodge the man on wheels. Strike! Everyone in the center of campus halted momentarily. The two strangers were sandwiched on the ground.
The skater, AKA the now dubbed human bowler, quickly shuffled to his feet, asked the girl if she was okay, helped her up off the ground and scattered away out of embarrassment. That’s the last time he’s going to skate on a busy campus day.
Fellow Facebookers contribute their two cents about their personal experiences on other campuses with similar experiences:
“They can be a little inconsiderate sometimes. They seem to think they own the sidewalk. I’ve almost been run into by bikers several times,” Megan McKenzie, guard member of the UNL marching band, said.
“Well, my experience from Madison, Wis. is that they will keep riding the scooters even in a foot of snow, and it’s ridiculous,” Morgan Pierce said.
Don’t sweat it kids: these ladies and gents on wheels are using their resources. After all, it’s a pretty nifty form of transportation if punctuality isn’t your style.
Though these human bowlers are hazardous, we all have to suck it up and deal with it. It’s just like trying to kick the smokers off campus: the men and women on wheels are here to stay. To make our campus a safer place, let’s practice these safety precautions:
Non-Bowlers: Less scrolling, double-tapping and Snapchatting while walking and more “smelling the flowers.” Our campus is so beautiful; why not take it all in? It can also aid in avoiding being knocked out by a swift-moving skater.
Bowlers: Perhaps only whip out the wheels on slower campus days and take some lessons from our ancient Samurais by practicing agility.
With our eyes peeled and boards on the down-low, we can all enjoy a safer college campus. Ride on, bowlers of UNO.