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Gateway Staff

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Jeff Turner
SENIOR STAFF WRITER
DISCLAIMER. THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.

In a shocking upset, Gateway Senior Staff Writer Jeff Turner has been taken on to be the starting point guard for the Los Angeles Lakers. This came as a shock to those who have known Jeff for a long time.

“Jeff is not the athletic, celebrity type,” said a childhood friend who declined to provide a name. “At school, Jeff was more like the kid who sat in the corner and complained about the fact that the other kids were going and doing something.”

Turner was undeterred despite the negativity from his friends.

“It’ll be awesome, I’ll change so much about how the team works,” Turner said “First off, they work too much, I get that I’m supposed to be a famous sports celebrity and look good or whatever, but man, it is so much work.”

Coach Luke Walton loved Turner, however. He noted that he enjoys the newest Lakers’ antics.

“My favorite thing about Jeff is how he’ll always make a point to show up 45 minutes late to practice,” Walton said. “One time he claimed he got trapped in snow in the middle of summer, and we all believed him until it turned out that he wanted to get caught up on ‘Shark Tank.’”

Few on the team are angry about this arraignment, claiming there would be no point in his addition, but almost all of them are completely confused.

“One of the few times he came to practice, Jeff started screaming at me and really losing his mind, and I’m just like, ‘I tried to pass the ball” point guard D’Angelo Russell said.

“Jeff works so well with the team,” Walton continued. “His chronic incompetence and grotesque lack of qualifications really bring a fun, positive air to the team.”

Basketball season eventually started and Turner got his first shot at the action. Or, at least he would have.

The game never happened because that was the day the aliens attacked. They came with their lasers and their broadswords, and they conquered en masse. Turner went up to them to yell, but they assumed he was homeless and ignored him, going on about their quest.

This country came into a deep apocalypse.

“It is now, more than ever, this great nation needs basketball,” Walton said. “That is why I would like to announce the newest starting point guard of the Lakers, Sophie Ford!”

Former Managing Editor of the Gateway Sophie Ford was baffled that she was being offered this job, but said she needed the money to buy dead rats for her family.

“I’m probably just going to sit in the corner, do nothing, and hope no one notices,” Ford said.

The Lakers ignored the aliens and went to the NBA Finals that year. All of the team members were riddled with joy despite the recent alien attack, except for D’angelo Russell.

Russell successfully high-tailed it to New Zealand because New Zealand is supposed to be lovely right now. The sun is visible, undaunted by sand, there are happy people, and most importantly, there are no aliens.

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Cassie Wade
NEWS EDITOR
DISCLAIMER.THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.

Preston I “Press” Jan. 1, 2017 – Mar. 1, 2017 preceded in death by members of his Pet Co fish family. Survived by his Gateway staff family: Josie Loza, Jared Kennedy, Sophie Ford, Amy Nielsen, Connor Bebe, Will Patterson, Jessica Wade, Megan Wade, Cassie Wade and fish cousin, Preston II.

A celebration of life was held Mar. 2 before Press I was laid to rest in the Eppley Administration Building.
“While you may have only brightened our office with your beautiful blue fins for a day, we will cherish your memory forever in our hearts. You will always inspire us to keep the “Press” running.

Blub blub blub (We love you),”

-The Gateway Staff

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By Nick Beaulieu, Editor-In-Chief

Newspapers are a crazy thing in concept. 
 
Comprised of a group of people who collect stories, quotes and statistics and package them up to serve an audience as their primary informative piece. I’ve had a chance to work at both a daily metro paper and a student paper and both experiences have been memorable and educational. But there’s something about being at The Gateway the last two years that will always stick with me.
 
I started submitting work for The Gateway my freshman year and my first story was about Mitch Albers’ departure, the No. 2 all time leading scorer in UNO basketball history. The Sports Editor at the time, Nate Tenopir, said it was the best work he had ever received from a contributor. That compliment meant everything for my confidence and gave me the courage to advance.
 
Next year I became Sports editor, which came with long nights in the press box and even longer nights in the office, both times I’ll never forget. Getting to know the athletic administration and different athletes was always one of the best perks of the jobs. 
 
My coverage of hockey last year made this year’s run even sweeter for me. Talks in Derrin Hansen’s office, catching Dean Blais for a minute as he slid near the boards at practice, those little things that student sports reporters cherish. And telling incredible stories, from Sami Spenner’s unfair sanction by the NCAA that made national news to the tragic family loss of a soccer player. It was a privilege to be one of the few to tell the tales of Mavericks athletics.
 
Then the big jump came. The last two years, in addition to serving as Sports editor, I contributed to Nebraska High School Hoops and started part time at the Omaha World-Herald. 
 
That experience mixed with a big turnover from last year to this year, I was one of the few returning pieces who could do the job but confidently and excitedly followed dear friend and brother Sean Robinson as the editor-in-chief. 

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Going along with the theme, this year has been unforgettable in every aspect. I could touch on the things I’ve written, reported and covered on I was proud of, but I would rather reflect on what my staff was able to accomplish. It was recruiting every member of The Gateway and seeing them grow that has proven to be the most fulfilling part and one of the things that has made it all worth it. 
 
Jackson Taylor started as News Editor as a freshman and week-to-week, operated like a well oiled machine. Organized, on time and always ready he will be a valuable piece for the Gateway long-term. 
 
Richard Larson brought humor to the Opinion section and made me laugh every time I was around him. 
 
Zane Fletcher, who I got a chance to not only work with but live with, was innovative and sharp. 
 
Avery Wenck grew into a tremendous sports reporter, with a commanding presence which got him on the World-Herald’s The Bottom Line. 
 
Evan Ludes blew me away week after week with his photos and gave me a chance to ride along on one of his storm chases, an experience I will never forget. 
 
Rhe’Ann McBride did the most behind-the-scenes work and brought a skill in design and layout not found by a student anywhere in this city. 
 
Nithya Rajagopalan rose from a qui-et copy editor who kept our AP style use in check to become our future editor-in-chief and UNO won’t be disappointed. 
 
Kelly Langin joined us in the second semester and gave us a second wind, gelling with the staff as if she had been a day-one hire. 
 
Phil Brown also joined late and grew to become a utility writer, bailing out every section editor on occasion and providing well-written and creative pieces for UNO students to enjoy. 
 
My old roommate Cole Dougherty brought my crazy design concepts to life graphically on more than one occasion. 
 
Chelsea Collins managed to keep our website fresh with our content and Susan Payne managed ads, a tough job, with patience and humility. 
 
Without all of our different contributors and freelancers, our jobs would not have been as easy. 
 
Lastly, being under Josie Loza, our new publications manager who seamlessly went from being “Omaha’s Mom” to The Gateway’s, I have no doubts the paper is in the best hands possible.

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For three years of college, I’ve taken on a rigorous slate of reporting and journalism duties. For my senior year, I’m doing something different. This summer, I am traveling to South Carolina and taking a job as a screen-writer’s assistant. The reason I got into journalism starting as early as my high school newspaper was that I knew I could write and figured that was the most practical medium to pursue. 
 
Now, after three years immersed in various news scenes, I learned that I am not necessarily a journalist, a reporter, or an editor, even though I can do those things and do them well. I learned that I am a storyteller. 
 
It’s been a hard and conflicting decision. Handling my already rigorous workload of school and work with an enhanced side interest in screen-writing has taken a definite toll on me this year. And turning down job offers in areas you’ve worked all of college for is a bizarre experience (I recommend avoiding it). But this is something I had to.
 
A mentor told me that when you’re shooting for your dreams, you sometimes have to take a leap of faith. A cliché you hear uttered in movies and TV, but it’s true.
 
One thing that continues to keep my confidence in tact as I take on new challenges is that I have worked hard these last few years to create a safety net—something that no matter my pursuits and the outcome I will be prepared for some sort of career. It’s the main piece of advice I would give to my fellow college peers, to work hard early.
 
With one year left at UNO I look at it with optimism and ironically find myself in a similar situation to when I entered college. I’m moving back home in fall, where I lived as a freshman, to save money. I’m also starting the academic year anew with fresh pursuits and motivations.
 
As I approach 1,000 words here (and if you’ve read my stories, you’re not surprised), I’d still like to say I’ll still have a presence around The Gateway, possibly with a weekly column. I also plan to still write for USCHO. com and follow the hockey team going forward. But with my senior year, I will be mostly experimenting with creative writing and film, with the ultimate goal of making a documentary. 
 
Working at The Gateway has set me up for success no matter what field I end up in. Our paper is appropriately just like UNO. Small in comparison to our neighbors, but filled with had-workers and humble grinders who continue to get better year after year. 
 
As editor-in-chief, I’m signing out. As a former staffer, proud student and future alumni, I’ll always look forward to this week’s Gateway.

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