Lila the bullmastiff to become Chancellor

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Cassie Wade
NEWS EDITOR
DISCLAIMER. THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.

As the university prepares to say goodbye to Chancellor John Christensen the search for a new chancellor is underway. Finding a replacement to fill the shoes of a man who has done an exemplary job for the past decade will undoubtedly prove difficult. So, rather than hiring someone who could prove to be a disappointment, the university should hire a dog instead.

A few reasons why a dog would make a excellent chancellor:
1. A dog can be paid in treats.

A human chancellor would expect to be paid upwards of $500,000. A dog would be happy to accept payment in the form of a bag of $5 dog treats. With impeding budget cuts wreaking havoc on UNO, a dog chancellor is a win-win.

2. College kids love dogs.

Students come to college and become dog deprived. Having a dog chancellor would mean students could see a dog on campus everyday. Student happiness would increase ten fold.
3. Dogs are photogenic.

The next UNO chancellor is going to be involved in many pho-to opts. Dogs are photogenic, adorable and never have to worry about coming up with a matching outfit.

4. The Chancellor approval rating would be 99 percent.

Pretty much everyone alive loves dogs, so of course a dog chancellor would be adored. The one per-cent disapproval rating accounts for the poor unfortunate souls allergic to dogs.

5. Dogs are cuddly.
College students get crushed by their workload and social life, which makes them sad. All students need to feel better is a nice, long snuggle with a dog. You could cuddle with a human chancellor, but that could be awkward.

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