By Noelle Ashley, Contributor
Whether you’d like to admit it or not, you have your personal preferred bathroom on campus – it’s okay, you don’t have to confess today.
We’ve all done it: spending the welcome week as a freshman wandering around campus, nonchalantly, like a dog on it’s first day off the leash, desperately searching for that perfect spot. If you think about it, the possibilities are nearly endless.
If you’re feeling classy and authentic, you might find yourself in one of the Arts and Science Hall restrooms. If you’re feeling modern and chic, the HPER building is your final destination. But what is it about humans that make us do this? Is it our instinctual need for home-like comfort? Allow me to explain.
As I’ve stated before, humans can be easily comparable to dogs. When entering a bathroom, we all have our needs and standards. Who likes waltzing into a public restroom that smells like other humans? A dog might say, “Sign me up! You think this turf is yours? Nah. Find your own dwelling space, sweetheart.”
Much like dogs, humans want a place they can call their own… or something of that nature. We pick the most quiet, tucked away bathroom we can find. The last thing you want to run into is whistling your favorite tune and having the stranger in the stall over chiming-in for the chorus – buzz kill, to the max.
Another factor you have to consider is if your outfit game is ‘on point’ one day. Where are you supposed to take a safe, Instagram-friendly selfie? That won’t be acceptable in any ordinary hallway or crowded area. Girl, please – these are the types of selfies that we can take guilt-free in the comfort of a shadow-casted bathroom that also happens to be properly furnished with a full-length mirror.
Have you ever wondered why women travel in packs to the bathroom? Crisis Case #1: Imagine enjoying a relaxing Tuesday afternoon and you have to run to the lady’s room after a long and tiresome exam. Plot twist: After foolishly settling yourself into your personal bio-waste stall, you realize there is a shortage of, or even worse, no toilet paper. In the event you have a pal with you, you can shamelessly request he (or she) slips you some emergency tissue.
Another possible catastrophe with which a familiar bathroom fellow could help you out: You enter the restroom and notice a large stress blemish that formed during that exam through which you just slid. Problem: You left your cover-up at home and have all day to sport this pulsating pimple. Solution: Your bathroom buddy generously lends you his/her cover-up.
The benefits of having a bathroom buddy are limitless.
Recap for top-shelf tips on choosing proper bathrooms on campus: Choose a bathroom that is safely tucked away in the corner of any building on campus, fully furnished with a selfie-friendly full-length mirror and always bring a bathroom buddy. Just remember, don’t be careless in choosing your favorite bathroom of the year – avoid the embarrassment, pick mindfully.
With this kind of advice sitting in your front pocket, you are bound to have the most successful year you have ever experienced, stress free. You’re welcome, dogs of UNO.