By Kristen Cloyed, Entertainment Editor
Friday, March 23
Campus Security responded to a disturbance in Lot S between a student and a squirrel. Upon arrival, Campus Security witnessed a small scuffle between student and squirrel over the student’s cell phone. The cell phone was returned in exchange for a handful of pistachios. The squirrel was recommended for disciplinary action.
During patrol of University Drive North, Campus Security discovered a trail of pistachio shells scattered willy nilly. The trail led to a squirrel passed out in a metered stall. The time on the meter was expired, and the squirrel was ticketed on charges of littering and public indecency.
Upon hearing loud music, a student was drawn into Caniglia Field. The student witnessed Campus Security participating in a one-man flash mob to “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. The student was impressed.
Saturday, March 24
Campus Security responded to a possible bomb threat in University Village. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the ticking the student heard was actually a watch.
During patrol of University Drive South, Campus Security decided to take a breather by pretending to guard a tree stump. There was no apparent threat to the tree stump.
During patrol of Maverick Village, Campus Security was flagged down by a distraught student who discovered an unknown substance scattered on their bed. Upon further investigation, Campus Security found the substance was actually a pile of crushed Cheese Nips, which were previously sat upon.