DISCLAIMER. THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.
Monday, March 27
9:05 a.m. Public Safety was called to the Durham Science Center to break up a fight between two science professors arguing over whose experiment proved to be fact and whose experiment proved only alternative facts.
1:50 p.m. A hit and run was reported at the Elmwood four way stop intersection between a uni-cyclist and vehicle.
Tuesday, March 28
5:36 p.m. Public Safety was called to Criss Library to break up a book burning.
Thursday, March 30
3:14 a.m. Public Safety received a call about several suspicious people dressed as clowns near the construction site of the parking garage on Scott Campus.
8:43 p.m. Public Safety received a call about a classroom of students suffering from heat stroke in the Arts and Sciences building. Emergency services was called.
Saturday, April 1
10:15 a.m. Public Safety was called to University Village to break up a fight between a couple. The fight reportedly occurred following a fake proposal meant as an April Fool’s joke.