DISCLAIMER. THE TOPICS AND ISSUES COVERED IN THIS EDITION ARE NOT REAL NEWS.
… HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.
Funding for University of Nebraska at Omaha student group Maverick Productions (Mav Pro) has been frozen following an event at the Amazing Pizza Machine Wednesday.
Mav Pro is a student group funded by UNO’s student government. The group hosts events intended to be fun and stress free for students throughout the school year.
UNO sophomore Denny Smith said Mav Pros Amazing Pizza Machine event “was the exact opposite of fun” and increased his stress level.
“Me and some of my friends thought going to The Amazing Pizza Machine would be a good time because it would remind us of our childhoods,” Smith said. “In reality, all it did was bum us out because we’re adults. We have problems pizza and video games can’t fix, and all being there did was make me miss my childhood and my mom.”
Other students, like Brittney Stevens agreed the event was a bust.
“I mean, like, Pizza Machine is just like a glorified Chuck-E-Cheese,” Stevens said. “Grimy little kids touch everything and then us adults are expected to go in there and have fun? I don’t think so.”
Smith said he and his friends felt it was necessary to stay at the event despite not having fun.
“We felt like we had to stay because we were already there and basically paid for the event with our student fees,” Smith said. “Not going to Mav Pro stuff means not enjoying the things my hard earned money is going towards.”
Freshman philosophy major and amateur conspiracy theorist Destiny Jones said using student fees to fund events is all part of Mav Pros secret plan of mind control.
“They want to trick you into attending their events because if you go to their events they can force you to hangout with them and if they force you to hangout with them they can force you to think like them and if they can force you to think like them they can force you to be like them,” Jones said. “Then BAM! You’re a conformist, man.”
Student government member Jane Doe said the Student Activities Budget Commission (SABC) has heard student complaints about Mav Pro’s money wasting events and has taken action.
“Our job is to listen to students, and make sure their voices are heard,” Doe said. “Right now, student voices are screaming at us that they’re tired of feeling pressured to attend Mav Pros boring events to make sure their student fees aren’t going to waste. We hear them and are doing our best to meet their needs.”
SABC convened for an emergency session discussing the allocation of student fees. A unanimous decision was made to freeze Mav Pro’s current funding and reallocate next year’s funding to another student group.
“We’re taking a hard look at the budgets and think we’ve found a good group to allocate the extra funds to,” Doe said. “UNO’s stu-dent newspaper, the Gateway, offers publication experience, portfolio building opportunities and internships to students. The staff creates a product every week, so we feel they deserve the money.”
The announcement of the reallocation of Mav Pro funds to the Gateway is also an attempt to even out the funding for student groups on campus, according to Doe.
“The Gateway was the only group whose budget for next year was cut,” Doe said. “I’m not quite sure why we did that to them, so we’re going to fix that mistake.”