Athletic Director to make NFL comeback

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2020

***All stories published in this week’s Gateway are satirical and should be treated as such. None of the stories printed are factual and do not represent the actual intentions, feelings, or actions of any of the people mentioned.***

Photo Courtesy of KETV
Photo Courtesy of KETV

Zane Fletcher
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

University of Nebraska at Omaha Athletic Director and Vice Chancellor Trev Alberts announced Wednesday, March 23 that he has unretired and will pursue an NFL comeback.

Alberts, who played for the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers from 1990-1993 was recently admitted the College Football Hall of Fame. A defensive stalwart at linebacker, Alberts led the Blackshirt defense and was honored with both the Dick Butkus Award and the Jack Lambert trophy as the best linebacker in the country.

The consensus first team All-American was selected fifth overall in the 1994 NFL draft by the Indianapolis Colts and played parts of three seasons before retiring due to injuries.

“I feel great,” Alberts said. “All my injuries are healed, and I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life.”

Alberts recently held a workout in front of representatives from all 32 NFL teams on UNO’s Caniglia Field. While it was difficult to run a full set of drills without yard markers (Caniglia is a soccer field), he was believed to have ran a 4.5 second 40-yard dash which would place him tied for second among linebackers at the 2016 NFL Combine.

After bench pressing 22 repetitions at 300 pounds, NFL scouts began buzzing that the comeback was a real possibility.

Though the possibility of steroid use was floated by many present, Alberts passed a drug test with flying colors, subsequently revealing his use of old UNO football resources to train over the past five years.

At press time, Alberts has only been contacted by two professional organizations. The Washington Redskins, who wish for Alberts to be the focal point of their defense, and the Cleveland Browns, who are hoping that Alberts might be able to play quarterback.

Browns Director of Player Personnel Randy Davis believes Alberts’ physical skills could easily translate to the position.

“He is an abnormal physical specimen,” Davis said. “He can’t be worse than Josh McCown…can he?” Alberts has stated that he will play whatever position, wherever.

“This is about showing what I’m capable of,” Alberts said. “I’ve successfully conquered this Athletic Director job, time to move on.”

***All stories published in this week’s Gateway are satirical and should be treated as such. None of the stories printed are factual and do not represent the actual intentions, feelings, or actions of any of the people mentioned.***

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