American sex power takes gold

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By Brett Henderson

Who would have thought during those cold and rainy days, or in those nothing-to-do moments, an entire society would bring home another gold medal? Records have been shattered, along with many sincere hearts, as Americans strip and streak past the eager competition toward the finish line. Watch as their temperature-rising kisses, touches and body motions help them score (in more ways than one) more often than their opponents.

No, this is not a swimming meet or a track and field invitation, but one of many hay-rolling, romance-taking, one night stand rule-breaking, sweat- and moan-creating day of sex power in the U.S. Welcome to the daily Wide World of Sex Tournament.

According to leading condom manufacturer Durex SSL International, the United States continues its reign as the sexual superpower of the world.

Durex reports that Americans are more sexually active, with more partners, than any other nationality. On average, Americans have sex at the gold-setting pace of 124 times a year, followed closely by the Greeks at 117. The French, internationally known as suave cats, finished a disappointing third, decreasing from 121 last year to a meager 110 this year.

Apparently, Americans are taking more French lessons.

The report also states that single people have the least sex, once every 4.24 days on average, married couples more frequently, once every 3.65 days, and live-in partners peak at once every 2.52 days on average.

Statistics also state that one out of 10 people have never qualified to compete — in other words, remain “sexless.”

How do you measure up? Frankly, many would consider you “lucky” if your love life fits into any of the top three categories.

For more information on the study, see www.durex.com’s “Education” link.

Rachel, a UNO student, is not surprised the U.S. is a “sexual superpower.” She goes on to explain that, because of the constant bombardment of sexually-oriented media coverage, it is no coincidence that the average citizen participates. She is also surprised by the high number of confessed sexually inactive people, being that the pressure is so great for “wrestling in the sack.” She adds that it will take some communication, caring and time well spent before she becomes a competitor in this event.

Pete, another UNO student, enjoys the idea that the United States leads the rest of the pack at having sex. He is a single man and dates often; from what he describes, one could conclude that he is a natural-born womanizer.

“It’s all about the moves, man!” he says. He wants a new girl every other day, twice a day; this is what makes him happy. His friends encourage him with former girlfriends’ names and faces.

Pete’s “most successful move” he calls “The Pressure Tester”. “Apply pressure until she gives in, and sooner or later, if you ask the right

questions and press the right buttons, sex will happen. That’s the Pressure Tester.”

Eager athletes like Pete are the driving force likely to lead America to another gold-winning performance.

Two very different American perspectives on sex and romance — on one hand, there is more to desire than just sex, and on the other, there is simply more sex to desire.

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